Dear Google, I’m a rightful Pokemon master too 2


Dear Google,

I caught them all.

But I don’t have those business cards, validation of my triumph together with other successful trainers online.

So why, Google Maps? Why don’t I have my business cards? Is it because you couldn’t believe a netizen of a 3rd-world country proud to be the world’s social media capital and bastion of often-misplaced national pride could catch them all?

For shame, Google Maps.

At 3pm on April 2 (GMT +8), I was about to give up on finding Mew. Online tips said the pink Pokemon is somewhere in the Amazon, and I have spent my whole lunch break scrolling for it.

I tried coordinates provided online, but they were duds.

So I typed in Mew at the search bar in frustration. And it led me straight to Mew.

I caught them all, Google.

I got Pichu near CERN and found Torchic close to Mayon Volcano. I screengrabbed the moments I caught Charmander and Charizard, my favorite Pokemon. Sleep was for the weak. I caught half of Pokemon while commuting to work, a quarter more before the Sandman’s sand attack became effective.

I caught them all, Google.

I tweeted the screengrab, tagged you, and made you know of my achievement.

I caught them all, and I was fine.

Then weeks later you called for folks to “comment/tweet” they caught them all. I learned late, barely making the deadline and kicking myself for it. But I still made it. I fucking made it.

But nada.

I was fine again. Until you tweeted folks who caught them all, folks who didn’t even respond, folks who didn’t even tag you when they caught them all.

You also contacted folks who didn’t catch Mew and eventually called them Pokémon Master. How dare you.

You probably know how I extensively searched for Saaya Irie and Sora Aoi’s current status, Wiki-ed details about the new weird Pokemon, and checked if a certain sex scandal was true (IT WAS FOR WORK). I know you know, because of all the awkward ads, and I don’t need to increase my boobs’ size.

It’s a shame you invade privacy, have algorithms to trace people’s Google habits to target ads, methods to reach out to some Tweeps for a reward on getting 151, but you can’t trace ALL rightful Pokemon Masters who caught them all. I caught them all, Google. We caught them all. But you couldn’t catch us all.

Look at this guy asking for a set of cards for his giflfriend. You heartless Google Maps. You are worse than Team Rocket who killed that Marowak in Lavender town.

 

 

 

You’re making a lovely couple upset. How dare you.

But it’s fine. I shall call my Charizard from Cinnabar Island and burn down your offices. (I’ll start with Singapore, I heard each floor has two pantries). I shall hunt down whoever had the bright idea of “let’s only give gifts to people who will comment using a social media platform that only us Google folks use, ignore the deserving rest” and let Charizard Dracarys you so bad even a Pokemon Center can’t heal you.

And I will still be the best that no one ever was.

PS: Will Google see this? Maybe. They will probably ignore this, like the poor cry of the Cubone for its killed mother Marowak.

  • Neon

    I’m torn between feeling sorry for a crybaby who can’t handle a prank(you don’t really expect them to send cards to everyone) or a victim that needed the justice they really deserve.

    Hope you’ll live and get what you deserve.
    xoxo Austy

    • Ronin

      How dare you have no pity for Cubone, you soulless pedophile lusting on big-headed female figures